I've been in communication with a cell of eccentric inventors based in a ramshackle unmarked building deep in the grounds of Lancaster University.
These inventors have built a Magical Monstervision Machine, which can be used to reveal the presence of the ancient monsters that lurk on our city streets, invisible to human eyes.
Trials are still at their earliest stages, but last week I successfully used a Magical Monstervision Machine Mark 1 to discover for the first time several monsters in their lairs.
Here are the secret blueprints of the Mark 2 Machine.
Your computer will now self-destruct in 10, 9, 8...
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